Fraud!
Art by Scott Froschauer, from the “No Spectators: The Art of Burning Man” exhibit, at The Renwick Gallery, DC. Photo taken by me.
This blog has loomed over my head, challenging me daily to confront a perceived “failure” to just sit down and write. Part of the problem has probably been calling it a “blog” in the first place. A blog makes it seem like something bigger in my mind than it actually is. It becomes a platform with readers, a brand, and something that must be routinized and monetized (which is not my goal, but that’s what most blogs seem to have become). I am forced to continually remind myself that the goal of this space is not to create perfect content, but a place to share ideas, think through complex topics, and offer support where possible. But that mental workout of reminding myself of the goal is exhausting and gets clouded by “imposter syndrome.”
It will be no surprise to anyone (I hope) that I am in good company. In a Time article on the subject written by Abigail Abrams, research shows “70% of people have experienced imposter feelings … the idea that you’ve only succeeded due to luck, and not because of your talent or qualifications.” Now this definition does not feel quite right, because it implies a level of success that I have yet to achieve with this blog. However, the authority I believe I possess to pontificate on whatever I feel like and the access to do so confers some belief in my own qualifications and therefore some level of fear that those qualifications are not “enough.”
I felt particularly called out when author Valerie Young (The Secret Successes of Successful Women) identified “experts” — those who “feel the need to know every piece of information before they start a project and constantly look for new certifications or trainings to improve their skills” — as particularly subject to imposter feelings. Hell, I’m looking for expert sources to “prove” my own qualifications for writing about my own feelings of being an imposter. If that’s not evidence enough, I don’t know what is.
Now, the concept of imposter syndrome and the pathologizing of an experience that is both internally and externally produced is fraught, and I encourage you to read the nuanced argument against calling it imposter syndrome by Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey. Instead, let’s call this what it is, which is self-doubt.
There is a place for self-doubt. It can be the little voice that makes us think twice before we speak, that considers other opinions and perspectives, and that allows for humility and humanity. But it has a limit and a cost if allowed to run unexamined. When self-doubt starts to sound like, “Who am I to think/feel/write/express what I believe?” — or in this case, “You need to scour the internet and research fully to make sure you have thought through this from every direction before coming to an opinion” — then it becomes problematic. Now self-doubt becomes the freeze response masquerading as protection, keeping me (and my fellow sufferers) in a state of immobilization, because if I don’t take a risk, then I can’t suffer rejection or criticism.
Frustratingly, without risk there is no growth, and in the long term, this just isn’t a great strategy if we wish to develop. So, what’s a junior varsity blogger to do?
1. Acknowledge it. The quickest way to tame a feeling is to name it, to call it out, to shine some light on it, and to force yourself with grace to figure out what the story is you are telling yourself about the fear.
2. Talk to trusted friends about this. Choose wisely. Pick friends who are consistent supporters of you. More than likely, they have experienced the same feelings or something similar and will remind you that what they gained in taking a risk generally outweighed the negative experiences that came their way.
3. Accept that self-doubt will likely not go away and that you probably wouldn’t want it to. A little self-doubt is healthy. It keeps us thoughtful, inquisitive, and humble.
4. Recognize that you will fail. As Abrams notes, “the only difference between someone who experiences impostor syndrome and someone who does not is how they respond to challenges.” You will make mistakes. There is no world in which that will not happen. The question is not, “How do I communicate flawlessly?” because perfection is an impossibility. The more relevant questions are:
How do I communicate my thoughts with the most integrity, thoughtfulness, and care as I can?
Can I be open to criticism (if well meaning, because I’m not here for bullshit, backseat-driving, I’m-an-expert-because-I-read-a-Reddit-thread-about-this nonsense)?
Can I view mistakes and challenges as steps toward greater development, understanding, and clarity, rather than see them as signs that I should stop?
5. Do the thing.
So, here I am doing the thing, letting you know that no one is immune from self-doubt and that self-doubt does not have the last word on whether you accomplish something.
You do.